Article by Nadiya H
Why periods can feel like a secret
The culture of silence around menstruation
Being on your period can feel like an embarrassing secret you don’t really want to share. We might mouth the word to friends or colleagues, like it’s some kind of special code. Our sanitary items are kept hidden from family, especially male relatives. We cringe in the shop when we can’t pay at the self-checkout and they have to be scanned by an actual person. We might send an email to our manager saying we need to work from home or take the day off because we have the flu.
Keeping up appearances
In some ways, the act can mean playing our usual part. We treat it like any other day, except we’re quietly pushing our bodies into overdrive so we don’t look weak. The scenes that we construct to hide ourselves are essential to our roles as women.
What is PCOS?
Understanding Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome
So why might some of us find it harder to hide than others? One condition that can affect our periods is Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome (PCOS). According to the NHS, PCOS affects how our ovaries work, usually indicated by irregular periods, a hormone imbalance or cysts on our ovaries. They list the symptoms of PCOS as weight gain, excessive hair growth or loss, oily skin and fertility issues.
The things no one talks about
Beyond the medical definition
However, if you suffer with PCOS, you might feel that this medical definition doesn’t even scratch the surface of your experience. Alongside all of the above, you could be feeling the financial pinch of expensive skin products that never seem to be working and hair removal that’s endless. The frustration of having the largest body in the room whilst eating the least. Riding emotional highs and lows every month and having moments of feeling completely out of control or crippled with anxiety. That sinking feeling of realising a period hasn’t come, despite being riddled with all the symptoms. A daily battle to keep your eyes open, even after a full night’s sleep. Then there’s the silent struggle of starting a family.
Misunderstanding and judgement
People may think we’re lazy because we sit around and rest a lot, but the truth is that our bodies have to work harder to move if we’re unwell. Then there’s the comments on our weight because there’s an assumption that we eat too much. Our skin is bad because we don’t wash our faces regularly or with the right products. We’re told we would be less anxious or depressed if our faith was stronger. If we are newly married, the questions around when we’ll have children might launch on us unexpectedly.
These questions hit home hard, especially if we’re moving around in cycles of having hope and then losing it over and over again. So much is on the surface for others to see, yet so much is also kept locked away, for us to face alone.
PCOS and South Asians
Higher risks and harsher symptoms
The Indian doctor who gave me my diagnosis joked that most women back home have the condition and don’t know it. It made me curious about how many South Asian people in the UK are living with it. Recently, I read a report that said we are 2.5 times more likely to be diagnosed with PCOS than white people and our symptoms are also more severe. This can mean that we are at higher risk of developing type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease and fertility issues.
Community narratives and internalised blame
When I read those words, I was suddenly struck by all the comments I’ve heard between women. The unhelpful suggestions and prying questions that are brutally churned around in our community. A community that is actually so widely affected by it. No wonder we sometimes feel that it’s our fault. No wonder we think the things we fail to do are the reason why we lose, but it’s important to remember that the playing field was never even to start with.
My journey to treatment
Years without answers
Some people might suffer for most of their lives with symptoms without a diagnosis. I know that I did. After years of reporting my symptoms to doctors with no diagnosis, I was told to go on the contraceptive pill. My parents didn’t understand it at the time and were incredibly suspicious about why I would need contraception. It was much more plausible to think I was having sex than to fathom the idea that I might want to have symptom free regular periods. That I would want an different experience from the women who came before me.
However, culture dictates that periods should be deeply uncomfortable and of course we should feel sad and exhausted.
Medication and lifestyle advice
I had a brief pause from my symptoms, but when I came off the pill later on in life, I found that they had returned. Although there is currently no cure for PCOS, lifestyle changes can make things easier (Verity UK). The NHS list weight loss as a possible treatment for PCOS, and my experience was that doctors would tell me to eat less and exercise more, despite the fact that both of these things were having no impact on my periods.
Eventually, I started working with a nutritionist who specialised in the PCOS and hormone health in general. Their advice went beyond anything I’d been told by my GP.
Rethinking stress, food, movement, and support
Hidden stress on the body
Their suggestions caused me to consider all the stresses in my life. It was the stress that I had never noticed before, the stress my body went through to reduce my calories and “eat less” or that vigorous HIIT work out I did multiple times a week to try and shed a stubborn pound. The emotional exhaustion from having no boundaries with people or work which pushed my body into survival mode.
Permission to nourish and rest
I soon noticed that eating more and being full was actually good for me. I gave myself permission to do the exercises that I enjoyed. I learned that relaxing my body was as important as any other kind of medicine and that there was no shame in using supplements to help along the way.
Listening to what your cycle might be telling you
The cost of ignoring the signs
When pain and difficulty is all were told about, it gives us permission to ignore what’s happening for us. When our lives are continually kept at ransom by our symptoms we can feel there is no choice but to pay the price.
Periods as a vital sign
Alissa Vitti writes about all things period in her book Into The Flo. She describes a period as the 5th vital sign, just as important as heart rate and blood pressure in giving us a picture of our overall health. Perhaps for some of us, the imbalance of hormones that causes difficult periods in our body is also telling us about some kind of imbalance in our life.
